Archive | August 2014

Life…Who Decides Response to Freshly Pressed Abort and Try Again

Always ready to save a Life

Always ready to save a Life

I just read a post on Freshly Pressed, Abort and Try Again and it prompted me to give a testimony to those who are looking for encouragement at the news of carrying a baby that by the world’s terms isn’t perfect.

I worked since 1985 in Labor and Delivery as a nurse.  I have seen many tragedies and many miracles.  I entered the field when I was still a teen. I am a premie born 3 months early at 2lbs, 2oz.  I was born in the days of gloves reaching into an incubator. We hadn’t the benefit of studies on bonding.  Mothers were generally anesthetized and laid flat spending days in a hospital to recover from what was supposed to be natural.  I was one of the lucky ones, I ate, gained weight and went home. All my siblings were also premies; My mother had 11 children, one a set of twins, and only 3 of us lived.  So I chose this area of the hospital because I could be around life and women and encourage them through their experiences.

My youngest living brother was born at a military hospital in 1964, 8 months after my younger brother.  He was 3 1/2 pounds.  My mother had a history of not handling anesthesia well so she went without meds.  Tom was born with a cord around his neck and the doctors did not untangle it before he was born and so he suffered from cerebral palsy.  There’s no suing the government, but my Korean mother’s lack of English put her at a disadvantage anyway.  They told her Tom would be a “vegetable” so better to institutionalize him.  Thank God, all my mother knew was it was her baby and no one was taking him away. 

Tom would endure much in his younger years.  He didn’t walk until he was 3. We put him in a rocking chair and looking back he seemed autistic.  His eyes were crossed so he didn’t see well either. My father was gone most of the time overseas and so my mother did whatever she could. She taught us to drag him across the floor while she moved his legs in a crawling motion.  We put on music and tried to stimulate him (he still loves music today..and no, he can’t sing..well).  Being Asian American didn’t serve us well. Kids would push him down under monkey bars and we would find him sitting and playing with kids taunting him from above. He was unable to move because he wore braces on his legs. They didn’t have joints in them so he was basically trapped, straight-legged in the dirt.  It still amazes me how authorities look the other way when kids hurt one another, figuring kids will be kids.  But he endured and so did my other brother and I.

We had so many doctor’s visits. At 9, Tom got eye surgery and his eyes now faced forward. He wore those black-rimmed spectacles (not cool back then) and generally sat on them to avoid kids calling him names.  His vision was terrible but within a few years, it was perfect.  In his teens, his muscles grew faster than his bones and he was flatfooted. He wanted to run, but the doctors said no.  Tom exercised, ran, cried in doorways trying to stretch muscles and keep them from shortening so he could run. He did run and set records in our high school, much to the amazement of others. 

In 7th grade, we realized he couldn’t read and stuttered terribly.  You can imagine the hassling we all got when Tom was around.  He always got stuck on the word, “i” and “and”.  So it was like talking to a machine gun and kids definitely took advantage of that. He was left-handed, too to make things more complicated.  They put him in special education. We had never taught Tom the word, handicapped and it only took one day before he demanded to be put  back in his regular classes.  I worked with him nightly, typing his English assignments and practicing Math until he could get it neatly on the page.  Teachers gave many praises.  They said if grades included effort, Tom would always get an, “A”.  Tom would have a surgery that replaced part of his upper thigh with a titanium rod about 9 inches long. He has a massive scar from it and this was back in the 70’s.  He still works on that one leg and suffers with arthritis and eventual trouble walking when he retires from pushing it too far.  He later became a firefighter and packs get heavy in the midst of a fire. Tom played the flute and had an extraordinary knack for taking things apart and putting them back together.  He had a lawn mowing business in high school and fixed “mopeds”(remember those…lots of fun).  The lawn mowing business would lead to a mobile van landscaping and plumbing apprentice. 

Tom decided he wanted a career and after high school, began EMT school.Then, he progressed to paramedic and eventually RN, Supervisor, Angel Flights, American Heart Association, Coordinator of EMT program, Massage Therapy, and a degree in Hospital Administration, Business, and now schooling in Nurse Practitioner.  He is an inspiration to us all.

He has saved lives and was named firefighter of the year a few years ago in Port Orange, Florida for saving the life of a little boy found floating in a canal.  His motto is you never give up, especially when its a child. He believes they are resilient and he says he can live easier knowing he tried. That little boy survived with almost no noticeable setbacks.

I know many days he suffers the pain of walking on a leg that has endured so much but his spirit is intact.  He doesn’t know what life would have been like it my mother had given in, if we hadn’t all pitched in together and believed and helped him do his best.  But, it is truly his doing.  The love and beliefs of others are a great foundation, but each child or person must decide for themselves to endure, to fight, to persevere for what they want despite the meanderings of others. 

I do not feel sorry for him, but I remember on days when i feel I can’t go on that he did.  Many are alive today because he did not give up but he will tell you that his mother made the difference. Her strength, her courage, and her love created what others saw as a “vegetable” into whose life is a testimony to love and to what the Father says in His Word.  What they intended for evil, God intended for good.  There is no greater love than to lay down your life for a friend.  And so I will end with a quote from the One who gives life and whose opinion it is that life continues; the One who loves without being asked to, whose there when all give up hope, the light in the darkness and who thankfully gives us parents, siblings, friends, strangers who see beyond the outside of a person.

For it is written,

20Where is the wise man? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? 21For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not come to know God, God was well-pleased through the foolishness of the message preached to save those who believe. 22For indeed Jews ask for signs and Greeks search for wisdom; 23but we preach Christ crucified, to Jews a stumbling block and to Gentiles foolishness, 24but to those who are the called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. 25Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.

      26For consider your calling, brethren, that there were not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble; 27but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, 28and the base things of the world and the despised God has chosen, the things that are not, so that He may nullify the things that are, 29so that no man may boast before God. 30But by His doing you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification, and redemption, 31so that, just as it is written, “LET HIM WHO BOASTS, BOAST IN THE LORD.”

I Corinthians 1: 18-31 NASB, emphasis mine


The Seed of Promise

PIC_4635Beneath the ground, a seed of promise

Seems dormant from above

But God beholds what we cannot

A Covenant of Love.

A baby boy, the first-born Son, begotten of the Father

A promise veiled in humanity

His excellent vessel of honor

Yet long ago, they spoke of Him

In fathers and in prophets,

By faith, they followed Yahweh’s hand

Though none would see His promise.

The One who from creation knew the Father’s plan so well

For the Son is heir of all He holds

And upholds them in His power.

All things to Him subjected

For His name more excellent than they

For a moment took a place below

To purge our sins and pay

With a one-time sacrifice of blood

An eternal priest appointed

At the Father’s right hand intercedes

With salvation, we’re anointed!

In these last days, God has spoken

In His Son, the King of Peace

Through the word of all His witnesses

that His Word it would not cease.

So listen, brethren, to His Spirit

The seed of  promise, now indwelling

And draw near, hold fast to Yeshua

For our Lord is soon returning!

And His Kingdom reigns in  righteousness

Forever will it stand

And those first-born in Christ Yeshua,

Will rest forever in His Hand.

I wrote this while taking a class in the book of Hebrews.  It would inspire me that today is the day we should remember and enter into His rest.  He desires to be with us.  Offerings of days, money, festivals are fine but time with the One we love and who loves us…priceless.  For someone who has known a lot of loneliness early in life, I found such joy in knowing that God was there, even when evil men continue in their ways and self-righteous ones brag about their good deeds; He just loves.  He loves those He created and is constantly looking for ways to support the hearts of those who belong to Him.  Praise Him, the Giver of Life.  I wasn’t looking for someone to save me but perhaps I was looking for someone to love me and that seems to also answer the unspoken request of saving someone.  He offers, we choose.  I seek and I find and find my reason for living and for life in Him.

So while it is still today; while it is still possible…enter into His rest and lay within the arms of the lover of your soul; the one whose hearts beats to see you smile, to rejoice, to know Him in all His ways.  You will not be disappointed.

Did We Live Well?

I’ve had a lot to grieve lately, but also much to celebrate.  After the death of my beloved, I have no regrets and no words unsaid, only dreams we hoped to live. We lived as I must continue to live the life I still have, not just because Rick would want it that way, but because God has given me a life to live, and Rick was part of that life– the most wonderful part of it! Meeting my Creator (no, I’m not going to preach) I must remember that the life I now have is because His Son chose to offer me life and the opportunity to know my Creator as He wanted me to know him.  He continues to reveal Himself to me in so many ways.  I will post on some of those ways soon.

In life, today, we have many ways of meeting people online based on what we have in common or what we don’t have in common, and sometimes when we are just surfing the web looking  for something interesting, but we end up meeting others enduring the same trials or celebrating the same significant events in life.  I have been privileged to meet many online in the last few weeks that have inspired, touched, and encouraged me to continue to be strong.  Yesterday, I talked with my best friend and realized just how hard I’ve been on myself the last 7 weeks since Rick’s death.  I wasn’t giving myself time to heal, to grieve, to celebrate the love he gave me.

So today, I give you a quote I found on one of those inspirational quote sites,

“It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died.Rather we should thank God that such men lived.
-George S. Patton, Jr.

I thank God every time I remember this beloved, special, loving man in my life.  This kind of person doesn’t come along often in life.  He knew his purpose, he fulfilled it joyfully and he left when it was completed.  Now, it is up to me to demonstrate how this beloved’s life made a difference in the world, if only for me. I am  left here to finish my own tasks with the same attitude and run the race set before me, knowing those who have run the race before me stand as witnesses, encouraging me that I can do it; I can make a difference because I was created to do so.

I will not grieve as those who have no hope but live knowing he will rise again, and I will join him once again.  Until then, I live as an example of a woman who was loved, cherished, and perfected by one who laid down his life daily because he loved me as did the One who laid down His life without being asked, without expecting recognition but hoping to give something enduring in a world that seems so ready to dispose of that which is not like itself. So today remember someone, even if they are departed, that made a difference in your life and let me hear from you.  Witness of their love, spirit, and heart to others and hold on to a part of them and thereby make a difference in someone’s life.

Life is precious and temporary here, but love is enduring and always abiding in the hearts of those who make it important and love abides because we love one another.

  And because we love,  our God, who is love…..




Update on Mystery of Intimacy

Look under God’s Love Story for a study that helps to define how God sees the true intimate love relationship between man and woman. I will write a series after it that will begin in Genesis 1 and demonstrate how God set the pattern on how to LOVE INTIMATELY and that His Son, Yeshua, will also demonstrate and that we. as spiritual men and women, have possibly been ignorant of by following our cultural understanding of how a “marriage” should be. It is my conviction that those who have a desire to seek may find answers to the question of why those of us who claim to be spiritual are struggling as the world does with divorce, broken relationships, and unnecessary suffering.\

John 15:13: Greater LOVE has no man than this, that to lay down his life for a friend.

Woman was created to be loved, not lusted after and Men were created to be the ones to Love her. Man was created to be trusted, but women are finding that an impossible endeavor because of so many broken relationships. Women lay down their bodies hoping to find a special love from one man, however, prior experiences make it challenging for the “right” one who comes later in their lives and so women continue to lay down their hearts and rise up only to be broken again. Unfortunately, men pay a price in this too and the women they meet are not able to receive love and so the cycle continues. Who pays?

In the end, God pays. His love is not made full in this cycle of pain. Disillusioned, we either adapt to the status quo or end up lonely, alone, and ignorant to the fact that God’s desire for love was greater. He wanted more for all of us. He still does.

So join me as I take this journey of love. It is not a journey meant to point the finger at any particular gender. The enemy of both spiritual men and women is still ever present. If we keep that in mind, perhaps, we can learn to love greater than we have before. God made us physical, emotional, intellectual, sexual and spiritual beings with a choice. Let us see if we are making our own choices or following the crowd of victims in the endless cycle of pain.

The Unsung Heroes: These links will give you a happy cry.

So tonite my daughter is showing You Tube Videos to make me cry. Hmm, I’ve done a lot of that lately. But I wanted others to go and watch. Here are the links to two of them by Thai Life Insurance , , .

If copying the links don’t work they are under youtube titles Thai Life Insurance Unsung Hero, Forget Me Not, and Marry Me.

So, I’m not sure who writes these commercials, but I am grateful that they help us remember those of us who are the unsung heroes or know of some unsung heroes. Unsung heroes enter and exit our lives and we never know their name, but may remember an act of kindness; Who doesn’t need that unexpected hug, visit, bouquet of flowers, cup of coffee or compliment?

A few days after my beloved died, I went to Office Depot to get some of his bible studies copied, and I was dealing with insurance on the phone and pretty much sobbing at the desk. The girl who rang me up at the register felt awkward, I’m sure, but she tried to help me get done quickly. As I was standing at the register, a young woman touched my back and as I turned to look at her, she said, “You’re hair is so beautiful!” She couldn’t know that was one of the things my beloved always said. Another shop owner who knows us was the first one to pray with me when I called and sobbed on the phone. She offered to come in early and meet me if I needed a friend to have a cup of coffee with. And just this week a neighbor offered to help me take the flat tire off my car (it has been stuck on the car for a month). We joked about how to tell my brother that I did it with a hammer and WD40. He still thinks I did it alone. That particular neighbor shared with me how he lost his best friend a year and half ago and how it still hurts when he thinks about him. He told me, amidst involuntary tears,”It’s because you loved him so much and that’s just okay.”

I wrote him an email today and thanked him for taking the time to help me and share with and encourage me. He allowed me to just be me. Didn’t tell me it would get better, he just let me cry and said, Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. The loss is always challenging, whether it be death or break-up. The heart doesn’t really want to accept loss, even when the brain tells it so.

So today, like in the the movie, “Pay It Forward“, give someone something unexpected without reward. Do unto the least of these in your life, whether they are your neighbor, friend, stranger,pet, or child. Just give some piece of yourself in kindness, compassion,and love.

I’ve been to so many churches where I heard the same comment, “No one ever did that before”. Many of these people had been in church a long time. I was a new believer then, but all I did was respond to the situation. If they were crying, I comforted; if they seemed a little down, I asked how they were; and if others mocked them, I encouraged them and at times dealt with the mockers. People who mock always feel more powerful, I guess, when another suffers.

I’ve been a defender of their victims almost all my life. Probably because of my upbringing as an Asian/Polack female. I had strikes against me in my own Korean subculture because I was female and opinionated and Polack jokes..need I say more. Being Asian and eating Asian wasn’t as cool as it is today. People can be cruel when you are different, and my Polish family pretty much disowned us. But somehow thru all the trials, the put downs, the beatings, I knew what my mama said in her broken English was true, “You special Shalee and people not like special”. And as I look back remembering the spit in my face, the rocks at my back, and the beatings at the hands of my own peers I hear the words of Tevya in “Fiddler on the Roof“…”I know we are the chosen people, but can you choose somebody else, sometime?”

Nope, He’s chosen those who have suffered to endure suffering and come to the aid of others. Those who are not so beautiful, not so smart, not so tall, and afraid, to find the courage to stand up when others run, to carry burdens as others walk by, and to continue to be faithful in a world that has forgotten its promises, commitments, perseverance and exchanged it for selfishness, betrayal and drive-thru relationships. Left behind is a flood of disillusioned, angry, broken-hearted and unfortunately, lost and lonely individuals.

His word says God uses the foolish things of the world to shame that which thinks it’s wise; and He has chosen the weak things of the world to shame which thinks itself strong,and the base things of the world and the despised God has chosen, the things that are not, so that He may nullify the things that are, so that no man may boast before God.


One who knows when I am weak, I am strong.

Genesis One: God’s Love Story

In the next few weeks, I am going to present a view of Genesis 1 that might be controversial, but if you will bear with me, I think it will become more evident that Genesis 1 is about more than creation and more about the Creator.

So entertain this mindset for a moment. In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. In Hebrew, heavens and earth are masculine and feminine. So let’s begin this intro with the statement, “In the beginning, God created the masculine and the feminine. And the feminine Earth was empty, without any essence of life, barren and widowed. Now keep reading, with this mindset of Earth as a female and the Father, God as the One who brings life, restoration, salvation.

I will present more soon. Tell me if it makes you think, again?

Posting the 2nd in the End of Days Series

Just click on the pdf and download. I did receive a comment that it might be easier to have the english translation of the Hebrew in a more readable fashion. I will try to do that in the next month. Thanks for the comments. Rick would be excited that viewers are looking at it.