“Beloved,” she whispered, as the moon began its arch in the night sky. “Are you there?, Can you see me?” I still feel you here with me. I sprayed the pillow with your cologne and for a moment, I remembered and I got lost in the joy you created in me.
“Papa, find me and take me to the arms of one who loved me like no other”. “I miss him, I miss his soul, his words, his heart like the desert misses rain.” She muffles the cries so no one will hear.
This journey has been so long and so full of pain and loneliness. And yet, even as I say it, I know One took the journey long ago and still walks that lonely path today. We look as ordinary as He did and so they pass us by. No one has ears to hear the screaming inside, “Please, find me”. “Love me like He does.” I look day and night and see only fleeting glimpses of a love I can no longer embrace and it leaves not only my arms but my heart so very empty.
You knew, didn’t you? The pain of loneliness and that it was and is,..not good. So you made, mankind. And, you also, were robbed by an enemy you knew. Dreams, hopes, desires…shattered. You found a way to restore and resurrect love again but endured the agony of knowing that light would again be extinguished. How long those days must have seemed. How long the ones I walk thru also seem.
I know joy will return one morning, but grief is there every morning I do not see his face, feel his touch or hear his voice. Perhaps, his prayer is the same as mine…”find me”!
So I seek Your Face as I once did long ago and look for special gifts of love in your Word. I try to remember the joy I first felt when I met you and when you brought us together. I know there is an ember still desiring to burn in my spirit but it feels so dark. So as I curl up in this bed and pray for sleep to overtake me so that my mind can rest from its constant remembering, Receive my soul that I may break the barriers of time that hold me here. Let me see my beloved and feel his kiss, look into his eyes one more time, and then help me to run this race until it is finished.
And then, let me enter the arms of the one who proved to me that one can be a vessel of such beauty and love that it can fill the empty, dark, pain-filled places of my past and truly bring beauty from the ashes. Precious brother and beloved, come find your bride. I wait only for you and you alone.
I will live because of the life you gave me here. I will go where He calls and I will look for you everyday upon the mountain when the sun rises and when it sets and in my dreams, I will love you as you always loved me, wholeheartedly.
You taught me beloved the meaning of love by laying down your life and being so eager to fill me and express the words of love from our Father to me. You became the vessel that enabled me to hear all the love Yeshua desired to speak into me. I promised I would never leave you and so I shall fulfill that promise. And on the day you rise up first, come find me, beloved and call out my Name and I shall be one with you forever as we were promised. I will go our Father does, looking for the one lost sheep who is broken, afraid, and hurting and cradle them in His love and rejoice that He brought us together and if only once, one ordinary man loved one ordinary woman with an extraordinary love from above and it was and is and will be….VERY GOOD! xoxoxo