Archive | November 2014

Holidays…ba humbug?!

Last week I faced physical pain and heartache that kept me from meeting some social obligations.  People inquired where I was and sent good wishes, but one person emailed me with words of disappointment that I had not met their expectations, their invitation and that they couldn’t deal with my depression.

For those of you following, I lost my beloved of 15 years 4 months ago and my birthday in September and now the upcoming holidays have kept me in a whirlwind of foggy days and restless nights as I trod uphill through mountains of bills, valleys of loneliness and reality that all has changed.

My daughter replied, when I told her,”How petty”.  I said that my flesh hurt for her, which my daughter promptly replied with a “Humphf!”  I said, this lady struggles with depression and drinks to deal with it.  She has led a long life with many exciting turns but all she wanted was her children.  Her son was injured in an accident at 17 and long story short, she has waited 27 years to get him back. Court battles and the realities of never having grandchildren or enjoying the children she had, has left her lonely and negligent perhaps.  Her pain has left her sensitive to the pain of others but unfortunately also overwhelmed by the pain of others.  My loss is like a tree falling on her and I understood that.

My daughter’s response is because she has seen us minister to so many and yet not much return compassion.  I have learned not to expect that from others, but I must admit at this particular time in my life, it does hurt. I do struggle.  I have little energy for the pain of others as I nurse my own wounds.  I forgive and I love.  It is not easy, but seeing the pain of others stirs within me a greater pain.  The pain that many do not know the Giver of Life as I do and even though I walk through a valley so dark now, I know He is on the other side. I know He walks with me.  I know He loves me.  So I have a greater friend who sees my pain, heals it and wraps His love around me.  So I will go to her home tomorrow to share a wonderful dinner with her and share that which He has given me…grandchildren, children, laughter and hope. It may not impact her life for long, but nonetheless, I will give that which has been given to me….love.

So for those of you who are finding yourselves alone amidst the frivolity of the holidays…I wish I could be there.  I am there.  My world changed 4 months ago, but when I am alone I will cry, hold myself and pray that I will be stronger tomorrow, sleep deeper tonite and dream of things that were, that are and that will be.  So rest tonite and tomorrow….run toward the light, laugh, jump, smile and take a deep breath….and find someone who needs your love and love them!

The Gathering Around the Table

Many years ago a man would gather with his friends for a dinner…his last dinner with them.  Among them would be a deceiver, a betrayer, a doubter, young, old, men and women.  He would take a path few desire and even fewer choose.  He would set the example as one who serves, offers…loves.

This year my family will gather but there will be a space at the table and a heart beat that skips for the ones who are not with us.  I always longed for a family, for reunions, for memories of loved ones seated together in love, respect, and gratitude.  I pursued it by creating it for others…that which I did not have in my own life.  When I had a family of my own, I opened the door to those who found themselves alone, lonely, hoping for the same thing…to be included.

I am grateful for so very many things in my life and I thank God for all He has done in my life; loss, birth, friendship, adversity, joy, pain, tears, sleep, and hope.  I grieve, however, for the attitudes I see in our country this week.  Some hope for a voice, others utilize the grieving of others as an opportunity to pulpit their perspectives with violence as if violence has ever caused anything more than pain and death for the sake of power for the few and momentary freedom for the many.

I do not know what the next year may bring, but I will endeavor to embrace those who have no connection, no family, no friend, and have lost hope of love.  I will do it with kindness, prayer, food, shelter, and love.  There will always be those who differ in opinion and choose various ways of impressing that opinion on others with passionate pleas of prejudice backed with bullets and batons, but some of us will use the weapons of faith in love.

Many of us will gather tomorrow and amongst those present will be much the same as Yeshua faced.  We know the back stories in our own families, but still we seek connection–some for love, some out of respect, some to look proper, some hoping to reconnect, to resolve, to forgive and forge a stronger connection, a stronger future.  May we find strength and may prayers be answered for hope and a future that is brighter than today and that will not be eclipsed by hatred, strife, and jealousies.  How blessed it is when brethren dwell in unity together.

Who Are You…..Cinderella?

First podcast.  Would like your comments or any ideas it stirs up.  The beginnings of God’s love story…It’s a peek into how He made us and what we’re looking for as women.

Great Author: James Owen from Coppervale Studios

Didn’t know how to link this, but I subscribe to James Owen and am reading his Meditations Series. It is really inspiring and I would recommend it to all.  I personally met him in Salt Lake City at a ComicCon and he is truly a sensitive, intuitive writer who shares some life-changing ideas in his writing.  So check him out on Facebook or his website.  The writing below is from his email subscription:  The Signal. It’s free so go take a look.

The difficult I’ll do right now. The impossible will take a little while.” — Billie Holiday.

Sometimes, the reason impossible takes a little while is because you’re going to make mistakes. Others will see it, and to them, the mistakes — especially the epic ones — are proof that whatever it is is clearly impossible, and your continuous efforts as evidence you are clearly bonkers. Sometimes, it seems the reverses you encounter and the obstacles in your way are utterly insurmountable. And it is in those moments where there is only one thing that can redeem all of your failures and make the impossible achievable: your belief that it is.

If you believe, and keep striving to progress, then miracles become possible. The impossible is only impossible until it happens — at which point it seems to have been inevitable, to everyone. Believing in something when it’s all going swimmingly is easy. It’s no burden to be optimistic when there are no obstacles in front of you. But being optimistic and hoping and believing when everything seems to be crashing around your ears is when it matters most.

Fear and faith require the same effort: belief in something that’s possible. But you can only believe in one of them at a time. Which you choose is what will determine whether your future is one of miracles, or of missed opportunities and regret. And it is never too late to choose to believe in miracles.

— James A. Owen