Tag Archive | death

One Day With You Brings Me Back to …Love

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So a couple of weeks ago, I went to visit the grave of my Beloved.  It doesn’t seem like it’s been a year and then again, it feels like a lifetime ago.  My daughter and I painted some rocks worn smooth by time to commemorate the time he has been gone.  My 2 grandchildren were with us and asked, “Is Papa coming down to visit us today?”  My daughter replied, ” Papa’s in heaven.  You won’t see him today, but he sees us and one day he will return.”  They picked their favorite rocks and placed them on the mound which he now sleeps under.

It seems surreal that his body lays there and that we are separated by about 6 feet of dirt and yet by dimensions of time that we cannot yet cross through.  Can a hole in the ground hold a heart that was bigger than the universe…a love larger than all the souls of men?

My daughter wept…for the man who gave her love, taught her about the real meaning of love, held her, wept with her, encouraged her, taught her and never judged her.  One who loved her boys and knew they would grow to be better men than the ones before them.

I wept with her for feeling inadequate to fill that void now left within her because the only man she really trusted to be truthful, unselfish, loving, kind and with a sense of humor that lit up a room. He loved her dry wit and understood her.

I wept for the memories I hold tight within a heart now broken and yet knowing he would admonish me for not living to my fullest and not allowing my face to shine before others and so I go on.

I struggle to write, to share all our Father gave us.  I know the sun will shine and the pain will subside.  I just miss my best friend holding my hand and reminding me how much my Father loves me and cares for me.

So I will go onward, looking for him in every full moon, every sunrise and sunset, every new bloom and the smell of fall in the air, the first snowflake, every song I sing and play, and every night I pray and wait to hear his voice, his encouragement, his love.  For now, the echoes are what remain, but I remember always his last words every night to me…love still abides and it does.

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Be Still…and Know

Be still and know that I am God

These past few months, with the loss of my beloved, I keep searching for the wisdom of God in the loss of life.  I have been in the Lord for 24 years and He has always been faithful to speak when it’s important.  My heart is still in a broken place, even though my spirit, perseveres.

So yesterday, I returned to an old favorite scripture.  My knowledge of Hebrew was not was it is now and so I found a new perspective in the letters I saw with new yes yesterday.  The Hebrew word, for ‘be still’ is “rapha”.  Rapha is one of the covenant names of God, Jehovah Rophe, the one who Heals.  It reads in the literal like this:  the healing or be healed, be purified or complete but can also appear to have the opposite meaning, to be sunken down, powerless…in need of healing.

Perhaps, the rest of the verse will lend some insight.  Be still, and KNOW…this word know in Hebrew is ‘yada’. It is used in knowing someone, but this knowing is a deeper knowing of intimacy, sexually.  Knowing and experiencing with another a connection that supersedes the physical, perhaps.  Be still and know that I AM GOD.  He uses his name Elohim here. The strong, mighty plurality of God.

So let me offer the possibility that He KNOWS you both in your weak, powerless moments of life and that He will complete, heal and purify you because He is a God not too mighty to reach down and touch you, love you, remember you.

I was a nurse for years and my kids would tell you that unless you were broken or bleeding to death, you were going to get a butterfly bandage and all would be okay, as far as I was concerned.  But I remember, always saying these words, “Be Still!”  or “Hold Still!” while I bandaged them up.  I knew if they kept moving, they would injure themselves worse and make it harder for me to finish what I needed to so that they could go on and play and stop hurting.  They would ask me other times, “Is it gonna hurt?”  I said, “I’m going to make it better, but if you don’t be still I can’t finish making it better.”

God may seem slow, but really He’s patient.  So today, be still and wait for the healing that is coming.  He knows it hurts, but if you’ll rest in being powerless and let the One is all Powerful take over, life will be better.  Whether it be a broken heart, a broken spirit, a broken body, or a broken down car…He is there beside you…wait…be still and you will know Him better and that He is a God that will be active in your life and He will prove Himself trustworthy and take His rightful place in your life, lifted up and praised for His goodness and strength.  So…Be still…the Healer is doing His work! You can participate in Your own Healing today by Being Still.

Be still and know that I am God

SEPARATION & BEGINNING AGAIN

I SIT ALONE AGAIN TONITE AS I HOLD ONE OF SIX PUPS BORN THE DAY MY BEST FRIEND DIED. THEY ARE FOUR WEEKS OLD NOW AND JUST BEGINNING TO WALK. LIFE ENDS HERE AND BEGINS HERE, HOW DO WE BEGIN AGAIN? HOW DOES THE FATHER APPROACH THE REMAKING OF CREATION AGAIN, KNOWING IT CAN POSSIBLY END IN HEARTACHE AND LONELINESS? DOES HE TAKE A CHANCE BECAUSE HE ALSO HAS NOT FOUND ONE LIKE HIMSELF WHO LOVES, WHO BESTOWS EQUALITY TO SOMETHING THAT COULD NEVER BE EQUAL TO HIM OTHERWISE?
BUT WHY BEGIN AGAIN? HOW MANY OF US HAVE FACED THIS SAME DILEMMA AFTER THE LOSS OF SOMEONE OR SOMETHING SO IMPORTANT IN OUR LIVES THAT THE ENERGY REQUIRED FOR SUCH AN ENDEAVOR ESCAPES US?
I BELIEVE THAT IS ONE OF THE REASONS, GOD CREATED A UNIQUE PLACE AND TIME FOR THE MOST WONDEROUS IN ALL HIS CREATIONS. HE HAD CREATED BEFORE BUT WAS STILL ALONE IN HIS CREATION AND HE, THEREFORE, UNDERSTOOD THE LONELINESS ADAM FELT WHEN ALL OF CREATION WAS BROUGHT BEFORE HIM AND EACH GIVEN A NAME, BUT NO ONE WAS FOUND, LIKE HIM?
THERE IS NO ONE LIKE ME. HAVE WE NOT ALL SAID THAT AT SOME TIME IN OUR LIVES, EITHER BECAUSE OF REJECTION, LONELINESS OR HOPING THAT SOMEONE COULD HEAR OUR INNERMOST THOUGHTS AND ANSWER THE UNSPOKEN DESIRE TO BE UNDERSTOOD?
HE ALLOWS HIMSELF TO BE SEPARATE FROM HIS CREATION BUT A PART OF IT ALSO. THIS GOD KNEW THERE WAS NO GOD LIKE HIM. THIS CREATOR EMBODIED LOVE AND EXPRESSED IT IN BOTH THE WRITTEN AND THE SPOKEN, BUT ENDEAVORED ONE STEP GREATER IN CREATING ONE WHO EMBODIED HIS TESTIMONY OF LOVE AND LAID DOWN HIS LIFE, HIS DEITY TO GIVE THE MOST PRECIOUS GIFT OF LOVE….LIFE. THIS ONE WOULD GIVE US, HIS BELOVED, A VOICE, A RIGHT TO CHOOSE BETWEEN LIFE AND DEATH.
i WAS FORTUNATE TO MEET AND LOVE ONE WHO WAS A VOICE THAT CRIED IN THIS WILDERNESS AND INTO THE DESERTS OF MY LIFE AND ENABLED ME TO WALK IN THAT LOVE. HE HAS RETURNED TO THE CREATOR OF LOVE BUT HIS VOICE STILL SINGS THROUGH ME. THE LOVE AND LIFE HE GAVE ME WILL BEAR FRUIT BECAUSE IT WAS GIVEN FREELY AND WHOLEHEARTEDLY AND SO I BELIEVE HE WAS CREATED TO ALLOW ME TO OBTAIN THE FULLNESS OF LIFE THAT WITHOUT HIM WOULD HAVE BEEN IMPOSSIBLE.
MAY I TOUCH THE LIVES OF OTHERS IN LOVE AS HE DID AND FIND SOME JOY IN LIVING THE REMAINDER OF MY LIFE HERE WITH HIS WORDS IN MY HEART AND HIS LOVE FOR ME ENCOURAGING ME TO FINISH THE RACE WE BEGAN TOGETHER.