THE INTIMACY OF LOVE
LOVE… It seems that mankind’s unending pursuit is to find fragments of love.
It is written about in the musings of star-crossed lovers, ill-fated for love that will burn its candle too quickly; of temporary one-night stands, or a vengeful broken-heart; songs are composed that define it as “Crazy-Love,” “First Love,” or “Endless Love,” and describe a wide spectrum of substitutions for love that encompass infatuation, passion, obsession, rejection, fascination and gratification. It does seem that love’s definition is dependent on the experience of the one being asked to define it. So we continue to publish books, articles and screenplays in attempts to describe it, educated men and women on TV or radio programs discuss it, we make movies trying to explain or exploit it, we distinguish special days of the year trying to force ourselves to share it…but we never truly experience the fullness of what love can be and should be between man and woman.
Our unending pursuit should not be the rudiments of love but the fullness of love or intimacy.
If the truth be known the majority of women in this world are never truly fulfilled physically or spiritually. In their ignorance and complacency, they have accepted the measure of mediocrity of love most men can offer them. They have been convinced that being the object of lust is their role in the world. In the servitude of childbearing, cleaning and cooking, they accept the mundane existence of “taking care of their man.” They have accepted a married life that is less romantic as years go by. They have accepted lovemaking and sexual union that is measured in minutes instead of hours or days. And with no one to encourage, edify or perfect them, they perpetuate through the raising of their children, both male and female, the same pathetic love relationship they have been made to accept by the cruel dominance and authority of cultural traditions. Of course, some women would deny this is the truth for them, they would publicly proclaim that they know and experience the fullness of love from their men, but in the private moments of their consciousness, they know it is true, even for them. Even more tragic are women who know it is true and yet feel unable to do anything about it in their relationships.
What about man? If most men would be truthful, they would admit that they believe women are not their equal. That woman is somehow or in some way inferior to man. Of course, man has a great need for love but has been persuaded in his thinking that love is fulfilled primarily in the sexual union with woman. But intimate love can never be based on mutual physical gratification. Intimate love between man and woman is first and foremost a spiritual experience. Most men do not have a clue as to what fulfills or satisfies a woman because they have not themselves experienced the full measure and dimension of a true and pure love. Nor do they know how or where to obtain it. You can never give what you have never received. How many times in counseling have I heard women tell me that their men never talk to them in lovemaking or look into their eyes. Such men know little of intimacy. Men think of love in particular moments of time when they purchase gifts or complete a checklist of chores meant to satisfy the requests of their women. These men know little of love. Intimacy requires not particular moments of time but every moment of time. Most men would say that is absurd, but it is essentially their selfish, self-centered attitude trying to justify preserving time for their hobbies, sports or interests which they have no desire to share with their women. Many men would say they express their love in providing for the material needs of their women, but this is a mistake. Material substance can never substitute forever for the intimate, romantic and spiritual needs of a woman. On the other hand, there are men who would fulfill the need for intimate love within a woman, if they could find a woman who would receive it.
So is it hopeless? Are men and women destined to never experience the fullness of intimate love throughout their lives? Are we doomed to experience fragmented moments of love through our years together, but viewing only a mere shadow of what is available from our Creator? No. There is a way. The Creator has provided a way. But it does require man and woman to both admit to their own inadequacies and then seek revelation to correct it. It is possible to perfect love. It is possible for both men and women to be completely fulfilled in their experience of love. This book is written to help show the way to the fullness of love. It is written to help restore Intimacy between man and woman. Intimacy is what women yearn for, what men desperately need, and the purpose for which God created us all.